Week 8 Power Rankings

The boys at the Blog are quite apologetic for their lackluster performance as of late. We hope these beautifully crafted power rankings more than make up for it.

11. Booth (-)
Ah, Team Booth. It pains us deeply to see you stuck in the league's doghouse for so long. It pains us even more so that our dear friend and former varsity basketball stud Matty Bo Binks has to endure such a physically and psychologically grueling senior campaign. At the same time, however, I would say that Booth's lack of success falls squarely on the shoulders of Bo, who was expected to be an unstoppable force on offense for his team. If Booth wishes to resurrect their season and make at least some semblance of a playoff push, Bo Binks must kick his game into high gear and start playing at the level we all know he is capable of reaching.

10. Willson/Dzwonek (-1)
Heartbreaking loss for Team WD to fellow league bottom-feeder Sellers this past weekend. This was easily the worst game of the year for these boys; it never looks good to lose at the hand of a winless squad. WD's trio of James Willson, Stevie D, and Matt "Jafar" Lamarre, despite their obvious talent, serve as evidence that a team full of slow-moving, three-point hucking sloths will always struggle to be consistently successful. Unlike Team Booth, there just isn't much optimism that this team will make it out of the first round of the playoffs.

9. Sellers (+1)
Wow! Team Sellers finally won* a game! The asterisk is there to denote the fact that "won" is somewhat too strong of a word to describe the outcome of their matchup vs. Willson/Dzwonek. Yes, the players on Sellers should pride themselves on their "accomplishment", but it doesn't take all that much to beat a team led by James "Willy Willy" Willson, who prides himself on moving slower than molasses off the pick-and-roll and airballing contested threes. All jokes aside, Sellers needs to win another game before they can earn any real respect.

8. Keast/Kimetto (-2)
Team KK put up a valiant effort against Jarboe, the weakest #1 ranked team in league history, but this was not enough for them to salvage their spot in the power rankings. Let's just say the writers here at the Blog felt that Team KK ought to be punished for allowing The Tummy to sink two treys against them. Don't get us wrong, Max "The Tummy" Jarboe is a great guy, instant charmer, and let's not forget, an impressive eater, but I never thought the day would come where we would witness a defensive effort so putrid so that this man would be allowed more than a couple defensive rebounds. C'mon Team KK, where your steez at?

7. Townsend (-3)
After brutal losses to Southwick and Strauss the past two weekends, it appears Team Townsend is headed on a downward spiral following their convincing yet short-lived ascension to league supremacy. In their defense, superstar sophomore point guard "Fat" Kyle Ploose has been sidelined for nearly a month with a strained pinkie, and it is likely that this debilitating injury will keep him out for the rest of the season. A tough break for Townsend, to say the least. Our sincere condolences.

6. Hastings (-1)
Easily one of the most shocking developments of the new year has been the poor play of former powerhouse Team Hastings. After the first few games many predicted that this squad wouldn't ever lose. A combination of terrible team defense and half their roster not consistently showing up to the games has Hastings limping to the finish line. Despite their recent lack of success, however, the writers here at the Blog still consider this team a legitimate championship contender due to their sheer level of talent. For Team Hastings, it's a matter of putting all the pieces together and closing strong.

5. McNamara (+3)
This team's jump from 8 to 5 may turn some heads, but believe us when we say that Team McNamara is not to be messed with. Kasey "Borsque" Griffiths is easily one of the best 3-5 players in the league this season, and he proved that with an epic 32-point performance last Sunday. It's no doubt been an up-and-down year so far for these boys, but their overall talent is undeniable. With sources reporting that the Borsque is on a LeBron-esque social media hiatus, it wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone if he went full Homo Habilis mode from here on out and willed his team to a deep playoff run.

4. Manzi (+3)
Team Manzi has had an incredibly underwhelming regular season thus far, but, unfortunately for the rest of the league, they have essentially added a new weapon in sophomore wing Matt Heinser. Although drafted by Manzi, Heinser didn't start showing up to games until a couple weeks ago. Since his arrival, this squad has become even more lethal, now that likely league MVP Sam Boudreau and Bradley teDuits don't have to carry the entire offensive load on their own. Watch out for Coach Bursa's squad come playoff time. Don't say we didn't warn you.

3. Southwick (-)
We anticipate this will be the last week for Team Southwick in the top 3 of the power rankings. Now that player/coach Harrison "Meat Wagon" Southwick is finally being forced by the league office to start playing in his team's games, it looks like these boys might never win another matchup for the rest of the season. The only benefit in having Harrison on the floor is that opposing players may get distracted by his meaty troll legs and the wobbliness of his knees. Other than that, Harrison essentially negates the talent of star sophomores Jack Barry and Zach Millett. Who knows, Team Southwick might find themselves in the 11th spot when it's all said and done.

2. Strauss (-)
Young, fundamental, and defensive-minded: Team Strauss has all the makings of a championship team. Dougie "Blumpkin" Thompkins and Jack Blount have proven to be real gangbusters all season long, and it is their resilience and leadership that will undoubtedly propel this team to great heights. We predict a strong finish to the regular season for this team and a deep playoff run.

1. Jarboe (-)
This team is bad. Honestly. They are actually hot garbage. Their record says otherwise, but trust us when we say that Team Jarboe is an absolute joke of a top-ranked team. Yes, Andrew Watkins is sexy and is the closest thing to rec MVP form Will "Bursa" Manzi that this league has seen in awhile (or will ever see), but his supporting cast is a rag-tag group of whining, complaining, egotistical lugrats that talk the talk but simply cannot walk the walk. It's hard to completely bash on this team given their SURPRISING success, but we firmly believe that they can be beaten by anyone on any given day. I guess we'll have to see if they can prove us wrong.